We spent the past few days in Ocean City enjoying some family time, beach time, zoo time, rainforest cafe time and boardwalk time! =) 

We've been lucky enough to stay at a wonderful 3 bedroom apartment for the last three years--WITH a washer a dryer--this is *key* =)

Anyways, here are some pictures from our first day at the beach!

A Fish Tale

I took hundreds of pictures while we were in NY--and was just sorting through them last night and had to share these! The girls were excited to go fishing in the pond with my parents! Amelie has been fishing with both of her grandfathers a few times but this was Maeve's first big trip!! 

Walking to the pond:

Waiting *im*patiently for Pop to bait the hooks.

Happily and contentedly *fishing*.

Joyfully fishing.

And then! Maeve had a bite and we reeled it in and it was sooo exciting until....

THE SCARIEST FISH IN THE WORLD CAME OUT OF THE WATER.

EEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

We told her we were fishing--but I suppose she didn't really understand what was going on and when that fish came out--WOW. She was terrified!!

Amelie, meanwhile, caught a fish at the same time--so happy! Proud! Elated!

While not 3 feet away, the world was ending, the sky was falling, the terrible scary fish was still being terrible and scary!!

And Amelie....happy. Still.

Tee hee! So funny the difference in sisters! =)

Ten Things About Tuesday

1. Maeve had a grandgirl day today--a trip to the aquarium! She came back with her face painted like a butterfly and a story about how a frog talked to her--here is their conversation:

Frog: "Maeve won't you come and play with me?"

Maeve: "No I am too big to fit in your cage."

The end. =)

2. When Maeve came back with Granny--Amelie left! Granny got her the list of school supplies needed for 1st (choke, sob, scream) grade--yay!! Can't believe it how big my big girl is!!!

3. Also, Amelie got her ears pierced! Granny joked with Amelie that they should pierce her ears (Amelie usually wails when we talk about it) and suddenly she decided she was ready! Ha! She is SO proud of her lovely lobes and I'll post pictures when I'm feeling a little less lazy.

4. Amelie and I worked on packing for vacation today! Yay!!!!

5. Ezra played with his new train set (Ikea) all day. He cheers when he makes the train go forward and screeches when it falls off of the track! So funny!

6. There was the most amazingly beautiful and BRIGHT rainbow this evening!

Genesis 9: 12

And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: 13I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth."

7. We spent most of the morning stuck waiting inside as the *fence-man* was coming to put a privacy fence along the back of our yard. He was late because their warehouse was backed up and by the time he got here and unloaded it started to rain and he had to leave. Boo.

8. Speaking of rain, I took Amelie and Ezra to the pool for a quick swim--we were in the water no more than 5 minutes when lightning was spotted and we had to leave. Bummer. 

9. It's a takeout-after-bedtime-night. Woot!!

10. Goodnight! =)

Why do Mondays always feel like the longest.day.ever. every time?!?

We really had a lovely day but it felt long--especially the part where the girls had the LOUDEST quiet time ever and had to be dragged downstairs to keep from waking up Ezra-boy. I was sure our lovely morning spent at the park and friends' home would leave us with a nice quiet afternoon---well, at least 1/3 of the children were quiet and sleepy! =)

As for the other 2/3?

They might be absolutely RIDICULOUS sometimes but I stinkin' love 'em!

A Big Girl Goodbye

It was time.

Past time actually...

Maeve is just soooo in love with her crib that neither one of us had the heart to bid it goodbye!

Today, however, was *the* day.

I wasn't sad at first...but as I took down the rails and the mattress I started thinking about bringing that crib home for my Amelie-girl and then moving her out of it and Maeve into it and Maeve has been there ever since!

Amelie liked the crib, but Maeve LOVED it--she spent hours and hours playing there and even asked to go to nap so that she could have her crib-playtime.

Now that she's potty trained and has started climbing out of it (to bring toys back in) it really was time....

So now, it sits on the porch ready for trash day (don't be alarmed--it's so old and really wasn't expensive--I don't feel I can pass it on because it seems not very stable after SO much use!).

Some last minute pictures with Maeve-y before I took it apart:

*SOB*

What a packed week it has been!! We are still really enjoying Vacation Bible School and I am especially enjoying how well my children are sleeping at night from how tired they are from all the activity!! =) Ha!

In the ladies class we learned some health and fitness tips from the fantastic Janet who has completely changed her body/health habits with amazing results. She actually inspired me to get moving--seeing someone you know get in shape makes it seem much more attainable. I have already lost 20 pounds just with my mile-a-day-jog. There are many pounds to go but I feel healthy and happy and am really enjoying my new exercise routine. The other day I ran 2 miles and felt great afterwards--this is a major accomplishment for me as I have never been a runner and just a few short months ago I could barely run 1 block. Amazing!

I had more to write but am having a hard time thinking as Amelie is practicing piano. She attacks everything with such intensity it's a little difficult to focus on anything else at the moment. =) Love her! Happy Thursday!

It's so easy to sit down and write blogs about the little things we do throughout the day and to post pictures of the cuteness that is my kids--but it is entirely different and more difficult to write about *deeper things/experiences.* I've had the experience, in the past, of having my sincerest words deeply misunderstood and it's made me a little gun shy to talk about things that really matter to me. After today's VBS lesson today, I feel like I want to write about something more than cute clothes and sweet littles. =)

****

The topic of discussion before our Bible lesson was post-partum depression. I didn't think I'd become as involved in this topic since I'm *fairly* certain that my days of baby-bearing are behind me, but hearing the sweet lady relate her difficulties with depression after the birth of her *SIXTH* (yes, 6th!!) child it brought so many difficult and painful memories rushing back to mind. 

***

When I was pregnant with my darling Amelie I really had no clue what I was "getting into" (for lack of a better term). I had never lived with or cared for infants. I was far away from my loving family. I knew I wanted children but I wasn't really sure how it was all going to go. Fast forward to Dec. 29th when I unexpectedly went into labor a month early--my labor went fine. It was looooonnngggg and horrible in all the ways that giving birth is and then I had a beautiful dark haired baby girl. She was very cute even though the first thing she did was pee on me. =) 

 ***

Anyways, overwhelmed and exhausted I began to care for her--learning to breastfeed (easier said than done) and swaddle and shush my little one. The first night I was all alone (my husband was "too tired" to stay the night with me...ahem) and baby Amelie would not nurse, and cried for hours. I remember looking at the clock at 3 am and sobbing and wondering how I was going to do this for the next 18 years. 

***

When I went home my mother was there and I had her do EVERYTHING. She changed the diapers, she rocked Amelie to sleep, she dressed her, she fed us and cleaned my home, she ran errands and urged me to rest. I felt helpless and ill-qualified to take care of my little girl. Even though Amelie slept a lot I could NOT sleep. At all. It was horrible and I was exhausted and no where near sleep for days and days. When my Mom finally had to leave at the end of the week I sobbed and begged her to stay. Of course, she couldn't and I was on my own with no family support to keep me afloat.

***

The days with Amelie were very uneventful. We both slept. A lot. All day actually. I stayed inside, on the couch with her. I nursed her. I kissed her head. I sang to her but I felt SO empty inside. I had no love in my heart for my beautiful little girl. There are tears pouring down my cheeks as I write this because it is so painful for me to remember my darling little one and how dead I was inside. I was completely disconnected emotionally from my sweet girl. I was so, depressed, I suppose that I could not even talk to her. For SIX months I did not say a word to my sweet babe. We sat in silence and when the silence was too much I sang and that was the extent of my *speech* to her. 

 ***

I cared for her obsessively and was exhausted by the obsessing. I was anxious over every sound and sigh she made. I called the doctor's office every day to hound them with questions. My husband was teaching many piano lessons and I was home alone with her all day every day for hours and hours and hours. I missed working and my friends. I missed the time I was supposed to have enjoyed alone since she was born so early. I had terrible thoughts. I acted on NONE of them but they ran through my mind like the world's most painfully terrible broken record. I can't even write what those thoughts were, even though I remember them vividly, because they are too terrible. I *know* that they were thoughts brought on by hormonal imbalance, exhaustion, etc, but still....I hate to think of them. 

***

And then, suddenly, on the DAY Amelie turned 6 months old it was like the SUN came out. I could think. My brain wasn't foggy. I could TALK. I could talk to my beautiful little one. I could get off the couch and NOT sleep all day. I could get in my car and drive places. I could take the little things in stride and not have a meltdown at any little thing. I realized I must have been depressed. I knew something was wrong with me but I had no idea what! And since I saw no one aside from my husband and a few people at church on sunday no one discovered anything was wrong. I wish that I had been able to see what was wrong with me--or that anyone could see it and point me towards help. 
 ***
There is no shame in not being able to cope emotionally after having a child. It happens to many people. It happened to me. There is help to be had--a simple call to your OB or family physician is the first step to recovery. I'm thankful that the Lord allowed the clouds to pass at the end of those 6 months. I'm thankful that he gave me two other babes that I thoroughly and immensely enjoyed. I'm so thankful that my darling Amelie is wonderful and sweet and kind and completely unaware of the terrible distress I felt inside the first six months of her life. 
***
I'm thankful, thankful, thankful and I had to share it.

*21* Months Of Ezra Boy!

I can't believe my handsome guy is nearly two years old.

Wah!! *De.ni.al*

He's acting more and more like a big boy every day--

*walking places while holding my hand instead of being carried, 

*eating perfectly well with utensils (and if I'm being totally honest, better than Maeve does with them!),

*playing games and running,

and keeping us laughing. =)

*And on top of it all, he has the most kissable cheeks for miles around!

Madre

When we were in NY I think I had about 1/2 of 1 conversation with my Mother--my daughter, Amelie, completely monopolizes every second with her. Maybe next time we'll be able to have 1 whole conversation. 
Maybe. =) 
Love ya Ma!

We had so much fun in NY--my kids even went for kayak rides with Granny (Pop was video-taping =). The girls loved it and had a few rides--Ezra was NOT impressed with the kayak but had a lot of fun playing in the water of the Reservoir and looking for tiny fish!

The girls were amazed that you could find all manner of flowers growing in the fields behind my parents' home. 

They got such a thrill out of looking for different varieties---reminds me of when I was little! I loved looking for flowers to pick out there! 

There really isn't anything more wonderful than seeing my children enjoy the home I enjoyed so much growing up!! I only wish we could enjoy it more often!!

Things I Don't Want To Forget

Amelie, Age 6

My beautiful Amelie girl is full of sweetness and sassy-ness too! =) She is such a help to me and is full of a desire to be responsible and helpful. Lately she's been skipping quiet time to help me do chores, because she *wants* to and I can't believe how grown up she seems/is. She is so much like me (emotional, organized, creative) and unlike me (adventurous, sporty, fun-loving) and I love every bit and piece of her. My sweet girl is so lovely to me.

Maeve, Age 3

Maeve has recently fully mastered the potty and seems even bigger than ever because of it. I'm so proud of her for being a big girl and doing big girl things even though she longs to be the baby. She is so stinkin' funny--just like her Daddy! She loves to make everyone laugh all the time. Maeve still loves spending hours playing with whatever she can find and has started talking and sharing her own ideas more than ever. It is wonderful and also heartbreaking--to see her act so grown up. She is my funny little love-bug.

Ezra, Age 1

My. Handsome. Guy. He is everyone's little sunshine! The girls adore him and so do I--his smile could light up the world! He has started using many words and small phrases--most of them only I can understand but I know exactly what he means! He loves to sing and harmonize with us and is very interested in music and interacting with the family. He has even learned our family's little inside joke and can perform it on command. He is such a wonderful little man!

I'm thankful. Children are a blessing--a tiresome, lovely, difficult, exhausting, overwhelming, magnificent blessing!

Psalm 127:3

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.

Baby Boy Window(s) Shopping; Also, He *Needs* Those Shoes