Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Awkward Moments Define My Life: The Mommy Edition

I'll never forget the first time I took A to the mall...I was one of those Moms who are totally green around the gills and had NO idea whatsoever at all and not even a little bit what I was doing nearly all the time.

She was just a few months old and as cute as can be, if not a touch cranky, and I had her strapped into one of these contraptions: Mind you, this is not a Baby Bjorn $200 front carrier--this is a $14.99 Target Special carrier that did the job but wasn't high on comfort or luxury.

Anywho, my Mother and I sauntered around the great Carousel Center Mall and stopped at a make up counter to pick up some supplies. Of course, this wasn't a dimly lit, back corner kind of make up counter--this was Clinique all full of bright lights, white uniforms, white EVERYTHING for that matter... My Mother looked down at the ground horrified and said, "Michelle, watch out! Someone spilled coffee here!" Sure enough, I looked down and there was brown splotches everywhere--the Clinique counter, the Clinique Stools, the Clinique Floor...

Ew, Gross! What kind of person spills coffee and doesn't clean it up?!

And then I looked a little more closely at the splotches...and at my skirt...and my shirt and my darling sleeping baby who had just had explosive diarrhea for the first time, in the mall, at a brightly lit make up counter, on the brightly lit makeup counter and all over me...

Cheeks flaming I ran to the nearest bathroom and peeled A out of the front carrier (no small feat) and then proceeded to peel off all her clothes--somehow she had pooped all over everything--through no less than 15 layers of clothes--she was wearing two onesies (I was a new, crazy mom after all, exact outfit pictured here by the way), jeans, socks, diaper, coat, snugli carrier...AHHHH and of course there were no back up clothes in my diaper bag.

I sure learned my lesson that day!

I finally got her all cleaned up and cleaned myself up (because at this point the baby was crying and ya'll KNOW what this does to a breastfeeding mother in a light colored shirt, needless to say it wasn't pretty) and placed my now angry, barely clothed, sock less baby in the Snugli and made my way back down past the counter b/c that was the only route out of that particular department store.

Urgh, fortunately the ladies were uber nice and gave me free make up since they felt so sorry for me but I will never again think of Clinique, front carriers and coffee without cringing...

9 comments:

BluSkies80 said...

i remember you telling me this story. reading it though made me laugh once more=) the things that we go through as parents!

dlyn said...

Oh wow - the kind of thing you only read about. Wait a minute - I did only read about it! One of our daughters pooped all the way down my husband's leg - even into his sock. I had to praise his ability to overcome his instinct to chuck her off his lap.

Sheri said...

Oh no! What a mess!! What did you dress her in if it got on everything? just curious.....:)

shelly said...

sheri--i ended up putting her in the "outer layer" of clothes she was wearing--just the outer shirt without the inner one-sies and i wiped out the inside of the jeans and put them back on (dirty) and she had bare feet as the socks were not salvageable and yes, it was february! brrr..

Megan & Company said...

Ha! We had a moment like that in the mall with Josh. So bad I actually had to change him into the new clothes we'd just bought. Good stuff.

sarah e. said...

!!!!!Michelle!!!!

This is why you are my hero... :)


i *heart* you and your stories....

Sarah said...

that's a classic :)

Bec said...

Stories like these make me think to myself. . .hmmm. . .maybe we'll wait a little longer.

Thanks for sharing, though!

Risha said...

I have to admit I chuckled as this one. Isabelle got me good twice in one day, both out in public. We were visiting a good friend of mine when Isabelle was around 2 months old, and I was nursing her while we were chatting, and all of the sudden, poop was squirting out all over us both. Like you, I had not packed an extra outfit, but my friend had just given me a new onesie and pants, so we were saved. Later that day, I was at the dentist and left her sitting in her carseat while I got my teeth cleaned, and she did it again! So there I was, changing my baby completely on the floor of one of the exam rooms in the dentist office. Turns out we were ready for the next size of diapers.
My sister's son got her pretty good when we were shopping for Christmas presents with my dad and our grandparents. We'd been in Toys R Us for about 30 minutes when she finally realized that he was the stinky one and not Isabelle. Once in the bathroom, she realized that he had destroyed his outfit (a little Colts warmup suit) except for the jacket. She had no spare clothes, only one wipe, and no cell phone on her to call one of us to the bathroom to help. Finally, she brought him out wearing a diaper and the jacket and had to go buy him a new outfit to wear!
Aren't kids great???