Thursday, August 12, 2010

Thinking Out Loud

I'm not sure I've ever really discussed with anyone why I named my blog
*Desperately Seeking Shelly*
It's a little dramatic, no?
I started this blog in December of 2006, right as Amelie was turning *2* as a cap to
the worst year of my life.
To sum up:
*miscarriage of our second baby (5/22/06)
*sold house located in beautiful wooded nature preserve
*moved into nice apartment located in a NOT NICE area 8/30/06
*went back to work and left Amelie (in excellent hands, but not *my* hands) 9/7/06
*small skin cancer issues
found because of:
*the ear infection from h&#% that lasted for 2 weeks and kept me debilitated in bed
*miscarriage number 2 (12/5/06)
((and of course i was at work that day))
I was discouraged
(to say the least)
angry at God
angry at anyone near me
lonely
sad
and Desperate to reclaim who *I* was
or who I thought I was
So, I suppose the dramatic title was perfect for the me that was *then.*
I have learned a lot over these nearly 4 years.
I have learned that anger at God accomplishes nothing and is absolutely ridiculous and prideful and gross.
God's plans for me are for good, to teach, to grow and better me.
I learned that it doesn't matter who I want to be or who I was
what matters is who I am
*His child*
Made for God's glory
to serve Him
not to seek self.
Things aren't always easy....
and if they were I think we'd be boring and stagnant.
Or at least, I would be.
I'm so glad God has used the things He has in my life to teach me.
I'm a different person and not quite so desperate to seek *shelly*
but much more desperate to seek
shelly's Savior....
What are you desperate for?

1 comment:

Devin said...

I've always wondered where that came from...never asked, but always wondered!

Glad you shared. Glad you're now in a different place, my friend.