Thinking Out Loud

I'm not sure I've ever really discussed with anyone why I named my blog

*Desperately Seeking Shelly*

It's a little dramatic, no?

I started this blog in December of 2006, right as Amelie was turning *2* as a cap to

the worst year of my life.

To sum up:

*miscarriage of our second baby (5/22/06)

*sold house located in beautiful wooded nature preserve

*moved into nice apartment located in a NOT NICE area 8/30/06

*went back to work and left Amelie (in excellent hands, but not *my* hands) 9/7/06

*small skin cancer issues

found because of:

*the ear infection from h&#% that lasted for 2 weeks and kept me debilitated in bed

*miscarriage number 2 (12/5/06)

((and of course i was at work that day))

I was discouraged

(to say the least)

angry at God

angry at anyone near me

lonely

sad

and Desperate to reclaim who *I* was

or who I thought I was

So, I suppose the dramatic title was perfect for the me that was *then.*

I have learned a lot over these nearly 4 years.

I have learned that anger at God accomplishes nothing and is absolutely ridiculous and prideful and gross.

God's plans for me are for good, to teach, to grow and better me.

I learned that it doesn't matter who I want to be or who I was

what matters is who I am

*His child*

Made for God's glory

to serve Him

not to seek self.

Things aren't always easy....

and if they were I think we'd be boring and stagnant.

Or at least, I would be.

I'm so glad God has used the things He has in my life to teach me.

I'm a different person and not quite so desperate to seek *shelly*

but much more desperate to seek

shelly's Savior....

What are you desperate for?