Another Reason Why Obama (and abortionists) DISGUST Me

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What's the deal?

Do they sit around at night thinking up new and horrific ways to end a baby's (read: not a lump of tissue) life?

Awkward Moments Define My Life: Peg Leg

Ah--Picture this--mid 90s and wayyy too late for it to still be cool--

Little Shelly, 5 feet tall with short permed, teased, dyed hair, coke bottle glasses, shiny metal braces and some totally awesome high rolled pegged pants.

I have no idea what I was thinking but for some reason I was totally enamored of all these fashion faux pas years past their prime (if not a decade past).

I blame it on the homeschooling--I was sheltered people--
Livin' on a hill

Spinnin' in the fields Sound Of Music style

Spendin' all my time with books, grassy meadows and the radio

{Inheritin' all of my Aunt's 80s clothes}

It wasn't until highschool when a "caring" "friend" pointedly asked:

"What's the deal with your pants? Are you expecting a flood or something?"

that I changed my ways....

Thank goodness for the mean ones--sometimes they are the only ones who can smash those rose colored glasses and shine the brightly glaring beacon of honesty onto the travesty of my bad bad sad sad

taste.

The End.

Lo Hicimos!

We did it!

It must have been this past week of letting Maeve semi-cry-it-out that did it!

She slept through the night--waking only once and crying herself to sleep easily in 2 minutes.

Yay!

(and, she slept in until 8!)

Happy Sunday!

Never Say Never: The Never-Ending Story of Parenthood--No Rest For The Weary

Sometimes I feel as though parenthood is one never ending marathon with no cool prizes or sporty ensembles to help get you through it.

It is an endurance battle to the end with no pinch hitters or safety nets until your beloved(s) grow up and go feather their own nest elsewhere...

Let me explain where I'm going with all this:

Back in the day when Amelie was a baby she slept next to us in a pack and play and moved to her big girl crib at about 6 months. This arrangement worked well for us--she has always been a CHAMPION (long, sound, frequent, sleeper) her entire life--

*Praise God for small miracles*

Maeve started out the same way--sleeping soundly in her crib, sleeping through the night...etc...

Until, she started getting monstrous screaming all night long ear infections.
She had 5 of them in her first 6 months of life--and it was horrible!

She would literally, SCREAM all night in pain and wouldn't be able to sleep unless she was sleeping on my chest or on the bed next to me.

It got to the point where her ear infections were so frequent that I wasn't sure if she had one when she screamed as I laid her down (the first sure sign) or if she was starting to resist sleeping alone....

4 months later however....she is resisting BIG TIME!

This Mama who said, "I'd never sleep with my baby! It's dangerous! It's annoying! It doesn't foster proper sleep Independence!"

Is...eating....her.....words....

Hello, my name is Shelly and I am a co-sleeper.

I NEVER thought that day would come!

So now, as I am "trying" to break Maeve of the co-sleeping habit I find I'm at a loss.

She puts herself to sleep beautifully during the day for naps so I know that it can be done (esp. since she does it every single day two or three times!).

It's only at night when she screams bloody murder at being laid down.

I decided I was going to let her cry it out--but I am a wimp and after 30 minutes of hearing her SCREAM AT THE TOP OF HER PRECIOUS BABY LUNGS

I rescue her and her sweaty little head.

She sleeps beautifully in our arms or on our bed but pops to wakefulness the minute her head hits the crib.

I know technically with crying it out that you are supposed to let them cry for as long as it takes but I dont' have it in me!

My new idea is to lay her down and sit next to her crib until she falls asleep--at least that way she won't be suffering alone...

I'll let you know how it goes--Parenthood--it's an uphill battle baby!

It's Like *Clark Kent* and *Superman*--No One Ever Sees Them At The Same Place At The Same Time {Or Together In The Same Picture}

45 Week *Wonder*

I just received an email telling me that Maeve is 45 weeks old...seriously, don't we stop calculating weeks at like 6 months?

Martha Stewart, Meet *Mr. Wonderful*

My husband does such an excellent job cleaning up after dinner that he's even running the table scraps through the dishwasher.

Talk about thorough!

I needed a good laugh! Ha!

Let the record reflect...

...that I think whoever came up with the "terrible twos" had never met a three year old.

That is all.

Instant Gratification

The photographer from my brother's wedding emailed some of the pics over almost immediately for our perusal--I love fast turnaround!

Aw, a picture of my back for them to cherish always =)
love makes me happy!
my mom and i are REALLY excited here. i love my mom.
look at this angelic creature!
here--i was really worried b/c the photographer told us to kiss amy's cheeks--now, i love amy but i couldn't plant my lips on her, sorry amy, i hope you'll forgive me =)
ah, precious!!

It Must Be *Miracle* Monday A.K.A.:Maybe Someday She'll Be A Wean-ee {the countdown to the 12th month holdout has begun}

*There must be something about Monday*

Today Maeve ate for breakfast (insert drumroll):

*2/3 c of brown rice cereal with pears and raspberries

*4 ounces of yogurt

Aha and Tra-la-la! There is hope that someday she'll exist on solids.

My joy is now complete.

*Proof* That The LOVE Of Ice Cream {Or Frozen Yogurt) Is Genetic

A Formal Apology: Ode To The Children's Place

Dear Children's Place:
Please forgive me for the many times I slandered your name and cursed your ugly leopard print clothes. You have proven me wrong and finally designed adorable play clothes that I covet for my babies. And though your Christmas dresses have always been fab, I'm so pleased to see that you are now designing at least a few things that aren't merely bright orange, hot pink, hot blue and florescent green. Please accept my apology and send some of these cute outfits my way!
Sincerely,
Shelly

You know what I mean, Nectarine?

Yesterday, "on the farm," we discovered what Nectarines are--I'm not really into fruit so now I'm well versed in all things Nectarine after an exciting afternoon spent on Wikipedia trying to figure it all out. Here's a picture of a Nectarine tree, just because I wouldn't want to leave anyone in the dark about what exactly they look like =)

*Shock* And *Awe* {Thanksgiving And Joy}

We had a fun filled family morning at a local farm/petting zoo/orchard (pictures to come) and came home exhausted! Imagine our surprise upon waking from napping to find that Santa the very generous Granny of the East had gifted us with two HUGE bags of NEW fall clothes for the girls! Without going into details, let's just say that this was a HUGE answer to prayer and an awesome encouragement!!! The clothes are fabulous--there was even a set of Princess PJ's for Amelie girl that we had seen a few days ago and told her we couldn't afford to buy that Granny had found and bought for us! We're so thankful to be surrounded by such loving and supportive parents!

*He's* Home Today {And He's *All Mine*) MUAHH HA HA HA HA

I Love You Gangsta' W

Surrounded

Sometimes I feel a lot like the monkey in this picture--

*Surrounded*

{in a good way}

Even though I long to get the heck out of Dodge (or South Jersey as it's more widely known) I'm so thankful that God has surrounded us with a very loving and fun circle of friends.

We have a lot to be thankful for...so I'll try to accentuate the positive and pray for God's exact will for me life--even if that leaves me where it's sunny, warm and suburban.

Wordless Wednesday: My New Favorite NY Picture

The NJ Blues: A.K.A. I don't think I'll ever recover.

Meh. Everytime I leave NY it's harder than the time before.

I want to live where my closest neighbor can't been seen, where 3 cars going by a day is traffic, where the crickets are the loudest noises, where the grass is soft and perfect for laying on, where the sun doesn't glare and the breeze doesn't smell.

It was physically painful for me to leave NY this time around...I could barely push the gas pedal down, and believe me, I'm really really good at pressing that gas pedal!

I've been praying for the last 11 years that God might see fit to bring me "home"

So, far He hasn't brought me there, and He might never do so, but I'm thankful at least for a visit, a chance to breathe in the grass and soak in the views.

Home Sweet Home--I love you so much it hurts me....

The Wonderfuls

Isn't It Romantic?

My brother's wedding was so fabulous and fun! His new wife, Amy, made everything so special and really included my little family in her big day! Mr. Wonderful provided the music, I provided the flower girl (I'll spare you the birth story), and the cuteness (Maeve, the pew decoration) and was myself, the Maid of Honor. What an honor it was to be present and part of such an awesome day. It was wonderful to see my brother marrying such a kind and caring and adventurous chick who tirelessly takes care of both of my brothers! The only thing I wish I could have done would have been to take more pictures--wrangling two babies and being in the wedding myself left me with little time for taking awesome pictures but also left me with wonderful memories and the best seat in the house! Thank you to the newest Mrs. A--I hope you and my brother dear enjoyed your day!

the wedding party
the "A" clan
the siblings (look at that beautiful bride and my handsome brothers!)

A deep breath in and out

The wedding was fine!!

The bride--looked divine!

{The baby melted a quarter past nine}

My hair was big, my dress was pink,

I danced with my brother (the first and last time, i think).

So happy I am, for the dear couple that wed--

but it's too late for more--cause I'm off to bed!

Congratulations Matty Boy and Amy Girl--We LOVE you!!

And wish you many many many years of joy and many many many children!

Honesty is the best policy?

Is it possible to be too honest? I've never thought so. I think it's funny and disturbing that people think that:
a) i've written stories about my mother in law because i hate her
b) i've written dishonest stories about my mother in law
c) i don't love my mother in law
d) that she reads my blogs, knows it exists or owns a computer
e) that my husband doesn't see her exactly the same way i do--with love and exasperation
If you actually knew my mother in law you would know that:
a) i do love her
b) she is even more over the top than my blogs have even dared allude to
c) she knows it
d) she really really likes attention
Shame on any reader who doesn't know me enough to know that my tone is light, the stories really are funny and entirely honest. That is all....back to poofing my hair for the wedding--my goal is BIG...really BIG hair =)

Traveling Playlist

* Britney Spears--Opps I did it again...
* Garth Brooks--Greatest Hits
* Weezer--Blue Album
* Mariah Carey--Emancipation of Mimi
* The W's--The W's
* Soundtrack to Moulin Rouge, Chicago
* Royal Crown Revue--Mugsy's Move

I love my driving music--it almost makes me want to take a trip just to hear it all. =)

Homeward Bound

Well, we're headed out today to upstate NY for my brother's wedding--Yeah! Mr. Wonderful is playing the piano, Amelie is the flower girl and I am a bridesmaid so we're gonna be super busy (and if you're wondering about Maeve--she is going to be eye candy =). I will leave you with a short (FL)MIL story--have a great weekend!

Preface: My Floridian MIL has a variety of ailments--the most of which we think are psychosomatic--which factor into everyday life with her. One of her most pervasive "illnesses" include her ability to walk as hampered by her hips, knees, back, neck, ankles, feet etc.

She took me, as a treat to H---field (quaint, touristy, wealthy type town) for a pedicure. Now, I never get pedicure so I wasn't sure exactly where the nail place was so I directed her to park at the first available spot and we walked in the right direction. Apparently, the nail place was about a 2 block walk and boy did she ever let me know that it was really putting her out to walk that far. She walked at a snails pace, clutching her back and moaning.

The whole way.

About half way there she decided that that wasn't dramatic enough so she had to throw her leg up Rockette style on a nearby building, clutch her thigh and moan and stretch and fake whimper about how longgggg the walk was and how in the world will she ever make it back to the car?!!? (Now, at this point you might think that I'm just really mean and have no sensitivity towards others but these illnesses are indeed psychosomatic).

We finally got to the nail place after much weeping and gnashing of teeth and she sets up to get a manicure and thankfully, I get to go to the other room for a pedicure. It was so heavenly and relaxing, sitting there with the massage chair and trashy magazine--I now completely understand why people get them! It was peaceful and quiet for a good 30 minutes and then MIL was done and decided to barge into the pedicure room and exclaimed at the top of her lungs---

"EW YOUR FEET ARE DISGUSTING! I can't believe how dirty they are! Look at your calluses! Ew! Ew! Ew!"

In front of the 5 other people getting their feet done and the nail techs. She went on and on about how it was a good thing I was getting them done because apparently they were the most horrific thing she had ever seen. When her little speech about the state of my feet didn't get her enough attention she stood up, turned on the radio and started dancing in the room and when the nail techs laughed at her--that just egged her on. After her impromptu dance session she got up on one of the pedicure/massage chairs and demanded the nail tech tell her how to work the massage chair b/c she really needed a massage after that walk. The nail tech proceeded to talk about how the chair was just for pedicures but my MIL whined until she showed her how to turn it on. After she turned it on the highest most obnoxious setting (she was literally bouncing/thrashing like she was having a seizure it was on so strong) she started moaning in ecstasy at the amazing chair.

I wanted a paper bag for my head.

I just tried to be quiet and pretend NOT to be there.

When it was all said and done and I had nice sparkly feet I was glad we had gone and magically on the way back to the car she walked like a completely normal person without any hint of her previous ailments.

I guess you could be thankful that with her, life is never boring but is always, at the very least uncomfortable and embarrassing.

I wish politics weren't so political

I was reading another of my favorite blogs today which quoted an article her brother blogged about here ( I know that's convoluted by that's how blog land works baby!). Now, I'm not much for politics except to say that I'm ultra conservative and don't really feel comfortable voting for anyone running for president but reading this article and these highlighted facts was enough to make me ill.

*Barack is the most pro-abortion member of the Senate, with his straight A+ report card from the National Abortion Rights Action League and Planned Parenthood. He supports the late-term procedure known as partial-birth abortion, where the baby's skull is stabbed with scissors in the birth canal and the brains are sucked out to end its life swiftly and ease passage of the corpse into the pan.

*When Congress was voting to ban this terrible form of death for a mature fetus, Michelle Obama was signing fundraising letters pledging that, if elected, Barack would be "tireless" in keeping legal this "legitimate medical procedure."

*Thrice in the Illinois legislature, Obama helped block a bill that was designed solely to protect the life of infants already born, and outside the womb, who had miraculously survived the attempt to kill them during an abortion. Thrice, Obama voted to let doctors and nurses allow these tiny human beings die of neglect and be tossed out with the medical waste.

*In 2007, Barack pledged that, in his first act as president, he will sign the Freedom of Choice Act, which would cancel every federal, state or local regulation or restriction on abortion. The National Organization for Women says it would abolish all restrictions on government funding of abortion.What we once called God's Country would become the nation on earth most zealously committed to an unrestricted right of abortion from conception to birth.

Pet Peeve of the Day: I think Dunkin' Donuts needs a translator service

Instead of jogging this morning, I made a "run" to Dunkin' Donuts.

I can never understand a word they say on their speaker thingy as it's all garbled and weird and I just assume they can understand me.

I got to the window and got my correct order but for the life of me, I couldn't understand a word the man was saying! He was telling me something and the price of my purchase and it made absolutely no sense to me--I only had a few dollars so after asking him to repeat himself a couple of times I just handed him all of the money I had.

You should have seen the look on his face--he was so disgusted and annoyed that I couldn't understand whatever language he spoke (it definitely wasn't anything like English) that he could barely contain himself.

Now, don't get me wrong--I can't speak ANY other language--but at least I know that enough not to try! So, please Dunkin' Donuts--I don't mind how many foreign speaking people you hire to make my donuts and coffee but please, please find someone who speaks something as close to English as possible at the window.

That is all.

Vignetts of a Crazy Feisty Southern Mother In Law

Said Mother in law may or may not have:
*furiously debated with your husband that the size of his feet are far too wide to fit into any normal shoes (fyi--his feet are normal--but she could not be convinced of that even with 30 years of proof otherwise)
*will loudly proclaim in the mall that your husband needs UNDERWEAR--"YOU NEED UNDERWEAR! GET SOME UNDERWEAR! I FOUND SOME UNDERWEAR!"
*will expect your three year old to act like a 30 year old
-->will pick fights with her just to bug her
-->will take toys from her just to bug her
-->will try to verbally discipline her just to bug me
-->will chastise her for being "bugged"
*will bemoan and bewail the fact that you will not allow your child to dangle precariously on a high ledge for the sake of a "great" picture
*will decide she MUST play with the baby only when Mommy says it's nap, feeding or changing time
*will tell you that she will buy you clothes but that there is no possible way that anything inside Target will or could fit you because "You need to go to a special store for your clothes." (um, no I don't , thanks, pretty sure we wear the same size).
*will talk to EVERYONE, in depth, about anything and nothing
*will tell everyone she's within 1 mile of that she's from Florida
*will complain about everything and everyone she comes in contact with. more than once. about the same things. over and over and over.
*will hate everything you cook for her.
*will spend a lot of money on you therefore making you feel guilty that you were annoyed with her in the first place.

the end for now but more to come!
away I must go to pack furiously for NY--so much to do and so little time to do it!

The Granny of the South: A.K.A. Keep reading for the "fun" story below

Mr. Wonderful's mother flew the coop to Florida with his step-dad around the time that he went to college. Southern Granny has only been up a couple of times since Amelie's been around and this was her first visit to see Maeve. I often think, when she comes to visit, what type of Mother-in-law I will be someday and then I say a little prayer for lots of grace when that day comes! But I digress...
Granny was very happy to see her grand-girls and we had a nice visit. We took a few day trips and made the most of our time. Here are a few pictures of her with the girls.

See this "amazing" picture?

You'll never believe how it was taken....

The first night we took Granny out on the town we stopped at the mall and Amelie took a carousel ride. Now, it wasn't one of those HUGE carousels--but a small four horse one for toddlers. The other seats were filled with tiny toddler horse riders and Mr. Wonderful's Mom just had to get a shot--she chased (literally) Amelie around the carousel--knocking into the Dad who was trying to hold on his infant son (a BUNCH of times, not just once) and another Grandmother who was holding her little girl on--knocking over, shoving, chasing Amelie yelling--CHEESE for the few minutes the ride lasted. Apparently this technique didn't produce the pictures she was hoping for so when we put another dollar in she decided to stand on the teeny tiny carousel and hold onto one of the bars to get "the shot." So there she was, going around and around on the Carousel, hanging off the bar--yelling SMILE! and trying to get "the shot." Well, wouldn't you know, standing on a tiny carousel can make you dizzy so she ended up FLYING off the carousel--spinning in the air sound of music style-the hills are alive-(not making this up) and crashing dramatically on the ground. She limped back over--sure she had gotten the pictures she needed, and we walked away as fast as possible so as to avoid many more confounded stares.

Ah....yep, still embarrassing.

What {(Wedding)} Dreams May Come

Well, my dress is officially altered and fabulous and we're getting our plans written and bags packed for my brother's wedding this weekend! Yippee!! We leave Thursday to head up to NY for a whirlwind weekend of wedding activity and my mind is in such a flurry I've already been dreaming about the big day. Last night I was somehow late to the wedding and wasn't given my flowers so I stole some plastic flowers from the church and brought them down the aisle where I was so late that even the bride beat me! At the end of the ceremony I realized I didn't know where my children were so I left the church to find them and when I did, I saw that they were with all of my friends' children who I left where I found them--unsupervised in the middle of the street. Oy! What a dream! The only good part about the dream was the part where the dress had pockets. I think pockets on a bridesmaid dress are an excellent idea. The End. =)

Awkward Moments Define My Life: Bad Decision and A Cover-Up

When I was younger I was "blessed" with a wicked unibrow.

It was noticeable and disturbing (especially on a poor awkward 11 year old, glasses wearing, perm sporting, braces flashing girl like myself).

I became acquainted with my tweezers at a young age but it wasn't love at first site.

When my Mom wasn't looking I would grab a razor from the bath tub and shave my brows.

This little deceit worked well for me for a long time until one day I decided to try shaving my eyebrows without my contacs in.

*Unfortunately I am really really really couldn't recognize my own baby's face blind without eye gear*

When

Whoopsie!

I shaved off half of my left brow.

It was horrible!

Lucky for me I could wear glasses and it would be less noticeable.

Unlucky for me my Mom thought it was hilarious and after church ushered me to her best friend where she proceeded to lift up my glasses to show the world, laugh and point at me.

Ah....awesome.

Off to pluck!

The Brain Test: A.K.A. A Diversion from the things that are really on my mind.

I found this test on my friend Charity's blog and couldn't believe how accurately it has portrayed me! If you have a free minute or two take it and let me know what you think of your results!

Michelle, your hemispheric dominance is equally divided between left and right brain, while you show a moderate preference for auditory versus visual learning, signs of a balanced and flexible person.
Your balance gives you the enviable capacity to be verbal and literate while retaining a certain "flair" and individuality. You are logical and compliant but only to a degree. You are organized without being compulsive, goal-directed without being driven, and a "thinking" individual without being excessively so.
The one problem you might have is that your learning might not be as efficient as you would like. At times you will work from the specific to the general, while at other times you'll work from the general to the specific. Sometimes you will be logical in your approach while at other times random. Since you cannot always control the choice, you may experience frustrations not normally felt by persons with a more defined and directed learning style.
You may also minimally experience conflicts associated with auditory processing. You will be systematic and sequential in your processing of information, you will most often focus on a single dimension of the problem or material, and you will be more reflective, i.e., "taking the data in" as opposed to "devouring" it.
Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself - and of others - while maintaining an "openness" which is redeeming. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity is not in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, the more obvious and the more functional.

The Cutest Floor Cleaner in All The Land

I have the cleanest floors in the kingdom thanks to this precious little one!

With all of her non-stop crawl-a-thons and cruise-a-thons she manages to find every speck of dirt, sand, grit, crud, you name it-it's there, stuff on my floor!

At the day's end her sweetly peachy skin is literally, the color of mud!

I bet I could find one or two people who wouldn't mind having such a cute floor cleaner though!

Uh Oh (Spaghetti-O's)

Houston we have a problem!

I've been watching these guys so much that I'm actually starting to like them....

Send help! Quick!

*Two For One* {Tuesday}

I definitely inherited the non-athletic gene from my Mother and luckily for Amelie, she seems to have an aptitude for many sports (good old hand-eye coordination) so as this picture is a fluke, I entitle it:

Impersonation Situation: A.K.A. How my Mama kicks a ball

My husband is weird.

{That's half the reason I love him the other half has something to do with his hot-ness, but we won't go there...}

Here's his impersonation of Cinderella

Now I'm going to go ahead and do my best impersonation of Maeve and take a nap!

The End.

"OMW"-Oh My Word! Credit Card Puhlease!

I have a few minutes here before the dinner I'm cooking will beg for my attention and I was perusing Gymboree and they have the CUTEST Halloween costumes ever! We don't even really celebrate halloween but we do celebrate any opportunity to dress up and these are just what I'd love to see my girls in!

Maeve: The Pumpkin Princess

Amelie and her Flight of the Buzzy Bee (there are more accessories for EACH of these ensembles and boy do they ever speak to me!)

Ok, to the kitchen!

Mr. and Mrs. *Wonderful*

Near Death Experience Number 3--Wegmans will never look quite the same

Friday morning while Amelie was at Vacation Bible School I decided to take Maeve for a little one on one Wegman's action and grab our groceries for the week. Of course, I missed my special 6 am on Saturday alone time coffee drinking close parking quiet shopping tradition but I wanted to keep the weekend free for all things relating to the in-law.

We checked off the list in record time and were heading up towards the open cash registers when

-all of the sudden-

(another turn of phrase I hate by the way)

this delivery man came crashing through the checkout lanes with a pile of boxes 6 feet high on a hand truck--running--enthusiastically, I might add-

and I screamed (in the middle of Wegmans)

"WHOAAAA!!!!!!"

He stopped just short of careening into our cart (and only ended up jarring it a bit) and Maeve's life was spared only by the sheer force of my will and the volume of my voice.

Your cheeks would be red if you had heard the words that came out of my mouth--suffice it to say they weren't edifying--

After a
"Watch where you're going!!!"

and a

"What's WRONG with you!?!?"

I really let him have it.

It wasn't pretty--but then again, real life rarely is.

We made it through the rest of our Wegman's trip casualty free--but I'll be on my toes next time I'm walking flush to checkout lanes--who knows where the next near death experience will come from!

Oh, and D-day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It actually wasn't bad at all but I am already stockpiling some really excellent stories...

It's What's Not For Dinner Part Deux: The Cake, The Oven--Don't Set it and Forget it!

I melted a cake yesterday.

I was blogging (*gasp *surprise) after having turned on the oven to get it warmed up for dinner.

A few (twenty) minutes later I came out to the kitchen and smelled something weird.

And then the crap hit the fan and I remembered that there was a cake in the oven!

I opened it and had to pull out all the oven racks and proceed to scrap plastic (from the melted handiwrap and plate) and cake and frosting of of the racks and the inside of the oven.

Oh, and this isn't the first time it's happened...I've melted two or three cakes and a whole Tupperware container full of cookies..They say live and learn but that isn't really working out for me!