Homeward Bound

Well, we're headed out today to upstate NY for my brother's wedding--Yeah! Mr. Wonderful is playing the piano, Amelie is the flower girl and I am a bridesmaid so we're gonna be super busy (and if you're wondering about Maeve--she is going to be eye candy =). I will leave you with a short (FL)MIL story--have a great weekend!

Preface: My Floridian MIL has a variety of ailments--the most of which we think are psychosomatic--which factor into everyday life with her. One of her most pervasive "illnesses" include her ability to walk as hampered by her hips, knees, back, neck, ankles, feet etc.

She took me, as a treat to H---field (quaint, touristy, wealthy type town) for a pedicure. Now, I never get pedicure so I wasn't sure exactly where the nail place was so I directed her to park at the first available spot and we walked in the right direction. Apparently, the nail place was about a 2 block walk and boy did she ever let me know that it was really putting her out to walk that far. She walked at a snails pace, clutching her back and moaning.

The whole way.

About half way there she decided that that wasn't dramatic enough so she had to throw her leg up Rockette style on a nearby building, clutch her thigh and moan and stretch and fake whimper about how longgggg the walk was and how in the world will she ever make it back to the car?!!? (Now, at this point you might think that I'm just really mean and have no sensitivity towards others but these illnesses are indeed psychosomatic).

We finally got to the nail place after much weeping and gnashing of teeth and she sets up to get a manicure and thankfully, I get to go to the other room for a pedicure. It was so heavenly and relaxing, sitting there with the massage chair and trashy magazine--I now completely understand why people get them! It was peaceful and quiet for a good 30 minutes and then MIL was done and decided to barge into the pedicure room and exclaimed at the top of her lungs---

"EW YOUR FEET ARE DISGUSTING! I can't believe how dirty they are! Look at your calluses! Ew! Ew! Ew!"

In front of the 5 other people getting their feet done and the nail techs. She went on and on about how it was a good thing I was getting them done because apparently they were the most horrific thing she had ever seen. When her little speech about the state of my feet didn't get her enough attention she stood up, turned on the radio and started dancing in the room and when the nail techs laughed at her--that just egged her on. After her impromptu dance session she got up on one of the pedicure/massage chairs and demanded the nail tech tell her how to work the massage chair b/c she really needed a massage after that walk. The nail tech proceeded to talk about how the chair was just for pedicures but my MIL whined until she showed her how to turn it on. After she turned it on the highest most obnoxious setting (she was literally bouncing/thrashing like she was having a seizure it was on so strong) she started moaning in ecstasy at the amazing chair.

I wanted a paper bag for my head.

I just tried to be quiet and pretend NOT to be there.

When it was all said and done and I had nice sparkly feet I was glad we had gone and magically on the way back to the car she walked like a completely normal person without any hint of her previous ailments.

I guess you could be thankful that with her, life is never boring but is always, at the very least uncomfortable and embarrassing.