Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Lies Women Shelly Believe(d)


Bible study with God fearing women is wonder-full.
(Can I get an Amen?)
Today we discussed another chapter in our book, Lies Women Believe and this one hit close to home--real close.
" A Career Outside the Home Is More Fulfilling Than Being A Wife And Mother"
When I first had my Amelie girl, I can remember sitting at home and fuming:
"I used to be an art teacher! I used to be somebody! I have an education! I am talented and an asset to the education community and now I'm wiping spit up off my face 30 times a day!"
(literally, Amels was a wicked reflux-er...sorry about the tangent)
I thought if only I could go back to earning money and teaching and doing something I was really good at I wouldn't be so sad and lonely and feel like a stranger in my own skin.
I had defined myself as "Art Teacher" and I had no idea who I was apart from that title.
When my six months of baby-leave were up I looked into her sweet face and decided that for all the money and respectability and status in the world, there was no way I could leave her.
Fast forward a few years and if you've read my blog for a while, you know that I was offered a lucrative position with short hours teaching art.
(And I was perfect for that job and it felt good to be wanted, needed even, for my skills, experience and ability)
You know that I turned down that job because my husband wisely decided that it was more important to have a peaceful, stress-free home environment with me here running the show.
I agreed with him to some extent but was SO angry and annoyed that now I couldn't:
afford a new car
new clothes
save money towards a house
buy buy buy
save save save
I was bitter and childish for many weeks before I realized that--
he was right.
He knew that if I was teaching (even such a short amount of time) that I would be overwhelmed and grumpy and that our house just wouldn't be peaceful.
My Madre told me something that has always stuck with me--
If you are working you won't have the energy to take care of your family--you will want to spend time taking care of yourself and being resentful of them for needing you (paraphrased).
This might not be true for everyone--but for me--it is!
I am easily overwhelmed and a perfectionist so to work with Maeve so young and Amelie so needy and a husband who is very busy would have stretched our family too far.
I'm so thankful that God has given me a wise and loving husband and mother who have helped me to make sense of life and more than that, I am thankful for His word and His plan and the knowledge that:
I am enough.
Just as I am.
As a mother.
I don't need an income to feel valuable and I don't need a new car or a big savings account.
But boy oh boy, do I need His strength each and every day to remind me of that!
And on the bright side, if I were working I wouldn't have as much time to blog--now that would be a real tragedy =)

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I appreciate your blog today. I can related to your statement "He knew that if I was teaching (even such a short amount of time) that I would be overwhelmed and grumpy and that our house just wouldn't be peaceful." Michael says I'm a much nicer person when I am NOT teaching, and encouraged me NOT to teach because of it--and I don't even have kids! Your words are appreciated! :) maren

Pamela said...

After Olivia was born, Jon told me I could stay teaching, or stay married.

It was real nice of him how he was able to put it in perspective like that.

Shelly said...

HA! pamela--you are TOO funny!

Julie said...

I, too, have struggled with being a SAHM. I love my kids, but I love being able to pay my bills too. Fortunately, my in-laws make sure that I can stay home and that our financial needs are met when necessary. Sadly, not all families are in that kind of situation.

I really feel that (without a huge support system) moms shouldn't work. It's just too much. I do realize that some moms have to work, but I know there are probably many moms who want to maintain their lifestyle. I used to be one of those moms. I'm so glad my husband was able to show me a different perspective! Let me tell you, though, that it was VERY hard to adjust from a nearly $80,000/year combined income to less than $30,000/year.

Shelly said...

tell me about it julie! we went to less than half of our income when i gave up working! yikes! and without the generosity of our families and the provision of God we wouldn't be able to do it! i'm so thankful that i can stay home--even if it wasn't/isn't the easy choice.

JerseyGranny said...

You will never, ever regret staying home with your babies. God bless!

Julie said...

YAY for SAHM's!!!

God is good, isn't He???

Devin said...

Man, this is yet another great post. I was wondering if you would give me permission to do a link to it?

You just nailed my thoughts--almost exactly--from about 2 years and 8 months ago, when my second son was about 3 months old and I was facing returning to my full-time, home-based business (which, I was extremely successful at and was very lucrative). I left PartyLite behind, but, even now, sometimes the thought does cross my mind that "I am a nobody here at home", and I go wishing to make some sort of financial contribution again. (For my own selfish desires, of course...)

And being a "nobody"? That's so, so not true.

We are EVERYTHING for our children. From cooks to maids {or, organizers :-)} to nurses to teachers to 'cab drivers' and beyond. We are everything to them, and that is how it should be.

Oh how I loved this reminder, yet again.

Shelly said...

devin--link away! i love a good linkage =)

A Repletion of Reverie said...

Even if you sometimes don't feel it, you are so lucky!! I would give anything to be able to stay home with Ryleigh. I already start crying at the thought of leaving her and I haven't even met her yet! And I can already forsee the stress that will occur in my household when I am a mom, working two jobs, and trying to maintain a household!

Anonymous said...

Family vacation at Disney: $5,000
New car: $25,000

Stay at home Mom: PRICELESS

I am glad my wife is a SAHM - and she is too!

JerseyGranny said...

SAHM's are the best. My goal in life now is to be a SAHG! Pray with me to that end, please.

charmed1 said...

I couldn't agree with you more,Shelle. I worked for a while when I had just Jordan and Dakotah. As soon as Shae was born the hubby wanted me to stay home. He was willing to work more hours to cover some of the difference. He wanted me at home with the kids and I wanted to be there.

Don't get me wrong - sometimes I wish I was working again. But I know that I will do the best job at raising my kids. I am where I want to be. And I am grateful because I know that some moms don't have the choice.

I know there's a huge debate over working moms and SAHMs. Both sides have valid points for their arguments. What I disagree with is a "mom" using the "I want a career" line to get away from their kids. They shouldn't be moms at all.

Yes,I know I'm opinionated :)

Ree said...

I totally understand HOW you felt about leaving Amels. If you remeber I was the same way when my time came--I couldn't do it and decided to stay home-remember you were going to watch her a fw=ew days?
We decided it was more important to be home w/them, as well!!

Tote, Debby, Sammy and Caleb Jimenez said...

Ok, I started to write a reply here and it got to be too long and I don't want to make it a novel! If you don't mind I think I'll link to this post too and add my ramblings to my own post. You don't need my soapbox in your comments! =)
I loved this post and really relate! Thanks for the reminder and encouragement!!!