I've been thinking a lot lately about the blessings in my life and at the top of the heap of all of those blessings are my husband and my sweet girls.
There are some blessings we receive in this life that don't look so much like blessings but in hindsight, you can see that they were indeed.
I just found out that yesterday, October 15, was the National Day of Remembrance for all pregnancy and infant loss, through a blog I happened upon.
I often think about the two children I lost to miscarriage and dream about
what they would have looked like
dressed like (you know i can't help it)
Boys? Girls? Both?
(I can't wait to meet them in Heaven, what a blessing the thought is!)
Nothing ever grew me so hard or stretched me so much as the loss of my little ones.
May 22, 2006
December 5, 2006
will forever be etched in my memory.
For months and months my soul in agony cried out in anger, despair and rebellion to the Lord.
"Why did you take these from me? They were mine! Why are you letting me go through this? Feel this? I have lived my life for you! Where is my reward?!"
What a messed up, backwards thinker I was.
There is nothing in my life that isn't there by the grace of God,
nothing I have that doesn't belong to Him first,
nothing I have that isn't exactly what I need.
God is good.
I learned more through the devastating loss of my babies than through anything else I have ever experienced.
I have learned more about His grace, His presence, His power and His love through this loss which has never really lost its sting.
I can say I've healed because He healed me.
I can say I'm whole because I lived through being broken.
Just when I was at my lowest He lifted my eyes to see His face.
Not by my might have I recovered but by His.
Glory be to God and all praise be to His most excellent name.